What is happiness? How can it be defined, held and captured?

Ive been wondering lately exactly what this word means. All around me are slogans on billboards, tv ads, magazines, radio programmes and the list goes on, telling me that I need such and such to be truly happy. That got me thinking. If happiness can be defined by the things that we can touch, see, taste and smell, doesn’t that make it self-limiting? Isn’t the very essence of happiness the ability to be free?

I’ve just been thinking about my own life. I cant complain. I have a great degree, the prospect of a great job, coordinating great projects yet still feel something is missing. Is this normal?

Waking up one day to the realisation that what you’ve always wanted may not actually be what you want is quite depressing. Over the years, mental projections of our future life begin to centre around the ideals we create from a young age on how we expect our lives to be.

Ive always wanted to be a doctor. Since I was still in nappies and yelling “Goo goo gah” at passerby’s, my lifelong ambition has been to roam into the enigmatic depths of a vibrant world founded on the intricacies of human nature. I dont know what it is that draws me.

Either way, I dont know if thats the path I want to take anymore. While I feel it is my calling, I have such great interest in other areas that I dont know if I can stand doing the one thing for the next 10 years, with complete focus. Can I really ignore the rest of my life and dedicate myself wholly to the one pursuit? Something tells me, that for the time being anyway, I can’t…

That then begs the question-what else can I do? I cant bear the prospect of working in a community pharmacy for the rest of my life. I need something challenging, stimulating, constantly changing…

I’ve been thinking more about project management or journalism. Maybe even a PhD. I don’t know if I want to stay with science though after 4 years of it shoved down my throat. I need a creative break to find my muse.

Hmmm, let me sit on it for a while…

In a desperate bid to avoid study, I have compiled the following list of procrastinatorials (I doubt that’s even a word) which will allow all those in this list who are currently studying ( or attempting to) for their imminent exams to feel like they belong to a much wider network of procrastinators =)

Please do not hesitate to send me some of your own procrastinatorials (hey, I just invented a word. Someone call Oxford) to add to my ever-growing list.

And yes. This email does count as procrastination.

A list of procrastinatorials

1. Exam revision is planned around Facebook and meals, and not vice-versa
2. Tidying your room becomes a viable option to waste time
3. You buy out the highlighters section of Officeworks to convince yourself (and your parents) that you really are revising.
4. You suddenly discover a deep interest in world affairs and spend hours browsing through magazines such as The Economist, Time and Woman’s Weekly.
5.a. You refresh Facebook every 5 mins to see if there are any changes because falling behind in your friend’s affairs is sacrilege
b. There ARE changes to your friends’ status saying ‘i hate exams’ or ‘cramming for exams’ and realise that your own status isn’t so original anymore
6. After every 15mins of study you need a 1 hour break.
7. You learn most of what you need to know in the 5 mins of cramming before you go into the exam.
8. You spend hours going through your friend’s Facebook profiles and then are shocked when someone suggests you go to sleep. Politely tell said person that it is exam time and going to bed is a waste of precious study time.
9. You spend StuVac spring cleaning the house because it’s long overdue and convince self that a disinfected kitchen is more important than learning the difference between sulfonamides and fluoroquinolones.
10.You suddenly have an epiphany the night before a particularly difficult exam and realise that you should never have studied a health degree and instead gone into hairdressing. Or make-up artistry. Or plumbing.
11. You spend two hours on any particular StuVac morning successfully going through 2 lectures and spend the rest of the day congratulating and convincing yourself that such a momentous achievement should be rewarded by going through the entire 5th season of Scrubs in one sitting.
12. You silently curse all the studious creatures in your course who spend their StuVac fretting over whether they will be getting a D or a HD.
13. You give up 2 days before your exam and instead invest your time in power du’a sessions.
14. You spend 20 minutes writing up a really pointless email such as this and hope your audience will empathise =)

Send me your own!!

I want to travelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.

I want to runaway. To a land far away. Where princes and dragons fight for the dame.

I need to feel free. I need to move away. I need change. I need something new. I need life.

 I want to move. I want to run. To run through the wind. I want the wind to feel me through it. I want the seas. The oceans. The coolness of freedom. The mountains to hold me, carry me on their back. But they’ll break. My burden too hard to bear. I need to find solace.  But where? Should I run? Does it exist? I need help. Please God help me. I don’t know what to do. 

Running wont stop. To run is to hide. I want to hide. From everyone. Can the world leave me alone?

 Broken dreams. Where did they go? Shattered by stupidity. Stupidity wins. Why does it win? Life is unfair. Astaghfirallah.  Please God help me.  

I fear You and I fear what will happen. Please help me. What do I do?

 I want to cry. Tears of pain mixed in hope. Why cant one come without the other? A medley of emotions. I want to hope. But hope’s run away. I cant find her. She’s returned to me. A younger me. The one with a thousand dreams. Life’s promises. Promises are made to be broken. Should I look forward? Or live yesterday.  

The mind is a powerful thing.

Imagine. It’s the only way. 

 I could go on forever. But I have to stop. Time is limited. Should I follow? Or break free. Entrapment. A web of lies. A web of deceit.  

Please God help me.   

Innocence is wonderful.

Back in the day when the focals on life were rose-tinted, tomorrow always seemed sunny and dreams and expectations were always a step ahead of you- youthful eagerness led to hopeless optimism in what the future would bring.

The youth dont appreciate what they have. I know that sounds awfully precocious of me considering I’m only 19, but life and experience has a way of opeining up to you bit by sordid bit. Reality remains well-hidden behind the curtain of young dreams. It tucks itself away, planning and preparing its attack while you naively go about making your own plans, completely unaware that life has its own plan for you.

 The sad thing, is not the ruthlessness of reality nor the mustiness of forgotten dreams-rather it’s the realisation that the years spent dreaming of tomorrow were years wasted. When you’re young, the future seems to take its time arriving and you don’t take the time to appreciate the simplicity of what you have. Life doesn’t get any easier when you enter adulthood. The transition from youth to adulthood is a painful yet some say beautiful experience. I’ve yet to see the beautiful part.

 This is not an emo post. Merely a reminder to all, including myself, that we shouldnt live in tomorrow. I learnt from years of doing so, that to stay in a constant state of dissatisfaction with the present and a longing for the future will only bring more dissatisfaction and a bitter yearning to take back the day wasted on empty dreams.

Having said that though, I long to look through innocent eyes once more.

Eid Mubarak people!

For the first time in allahu a’alam how long, I can say Eid Mubarak and know that neither the moonsighters nor the calculators will be offended. You see, today is the first time in many years when both groups will be celebrating Eid on the same day.

It’s truly an indictment on our community when we cant even determine something as simple as the beginning of Eid without tearing each others hair (and hijabs) out. What’s even sadder is that we’ve erected ideological barriers between each other based on which interpretation of Ramadan/Eid determination we adhere to.

I couldn’t help the sardonic smile that crept onto my face today as I thought of the joke Eid/Ramadan determination has become this year.

I got an email on Wednesday telling me to come along to the Chand Raat (Pakistani) Eid Festival on Thursday. Ahhhh, so Eid is Thursday. Next thing I hear, Bankstown Masjid is celebrating Eid on Friday. Hang on a moment. But Lakemba mosque made an announcement on Tuesday that Eid would actually be on Saturday. But waiiiiiiiiiiiit. Al-Ghazzali told us that Eid will in fact be either Saturday or Sunday. Eid over 4 days?

Omg.

Imagine what the Prophet (s) would’ve thought.

Physiology.

Is unbe-frickin-lievably fascinating. The simplicity of the heart’s motion and predictable, rhythmic working masks the incredibly complex systems which allow the heart to maintain its function flawlessly. From the day it starts beating to the day it stops, this muscle works tirelessly to keep us alive and moving. Imagine a life without our hearts. Well, you can’t really imagine- you’d be dead within 4 minutes. Brain dead that is.

 But then, take a look around you. How many people live their day to day lives atually using their hearts? For fear of sounding too cliche, I’ll say most people are empty. Their hearts are empty. Yes, blood is still pumping through, the ventricles are still doing their jobs as they’re meant to but the deeper heart is dead. Living for today and forgetting that there’s a tomorrow. Turning a blind eye to the world’s problems and hoping if they forget it, itll just go away.

 Well poverty doesnt just go away. Famine, war and starving children don’t just cease to exist because you choose to ignore it.

 Open your eyes. And your hearts.

Good Morning world

Je mappelle Sabrine. Jai dix-neuf ans. J’adore le chat et la woof woof.

 Yes. My name is Sabrine and I’m 19. I love cats and woof woof’s ( the ” i dont know the word for dogs in French” equivalent).

As you can tell by my shameful grasp on le language de Francaise, I’m not actually French but a bedouin Arab who was exposed to the wonders of citylife and now reside in a little place I like to call Sydney. Of course by Bedouin I mean 2nd generation Aussie. And by exposed I mean fresh out of my mummy’s tummy into that eyesore called Auburn Hospital.

 ’Tis quite sad when the world is waiting for you to unleash your creative and adventurous brilliance on it and youre stuck in a 35+ hr/week, 4 yr degree which promises a career of drug trafficking. Bali, before you decide to shackle and throw me into 20 yr prison sentence,  by drugs I mean the woefully boring profession of pharmacy.

 What’s even sadder is that my Faculty think theyre good enough to have their own brand spanking new building complete with a drug museum and stained glass. If I sound bitter, it’s probably cause I am- standing behind a counter for the rest of my life selling Herron and Huggies isnt exactly what I’d call a life long dream. Still, at least I’ll have an endless supply of Valium to help me through it.

Otherwise, Sydney Uni rocks! I praise God night and day that I dont study in a muesli bar aka UTS or have to climb 1000 steps to get to an elevator (UNSW- you know who you are ). But to all youse who aren’t so lucky, I love you all!

So anyway, in my spare time I like reading, paiting, writing!!!! and blogging pointless posts such as this one . My life long dream is to be a doctor and work in a foreign country doing aid and helping the helpless.

Enough about me though, tell me about you……..